Don’t get me wrong, I’m no Scrooge. I enjoy the Christmas season as well as anyone, and I rigorously try to do my share of imbibing, celebrating and decorating everything in sight. And every Christmas it seems a number of new decorating fads are indulged.
Most of the time I go along in my good-natured way, desperately trying to keep up with the latest trends in holiday gaiety, like the year the little tiny outdoor Christmas lights were all the rage.
You know, the ones that look like strands of icicles forming on your house? My husband and I almost separated ways over the argument that ensued as to why HE had to put the blasted things up.
We went round and round, but in the end, my house was festooned with a riot of icicles that twinkled merrily into the night. Never mind the bloody outrageous electric bill.
No, no, this is an art form- not to be hampered by mere money concerns. By the way, since this is beautiful, sunny Southern California, why do we knock ourselves out trying to look like we live in snow country?
Anyway, all that changed this year, when someone punked Christmas decorators everywhere by bringing out those huge, hideous, Day-Glo blow-up monstrosities that are supposed to look like Christmas characters, replete with their own noisy generators!!
Not only are they unbelievably ugly, in the daytime the things appear to melt into a saggy, gaudy, plastic puddle that quietly wheezes as you walk past. Creepy.
Although they try to offer a variety of characters- the Saggy Baggy Santa Blob, the Sodden Saddened Snowman, and a Giant Misshapen Elf- once inflated, they scare the daylights out of any man, woman or child within visual range of the things.
My neighbors have all subscribed to the madness, which shouldn’t be any of my business. Unfortunately, my bedroom window faces the street, and the light glaring off the Saggy, Baggy Santa across the street is keeping me up at night.
The glow is ghastly, rather than comic, as they intended, and during the day the situation is 10 times worse.(Since most people don’t want to pay to run the generator all day, they let the poor beast melt into a little puddle, bringing to mind the evil witch in the Wizard of Oz.)
Help, I’m meltingggggggggggggggggggggg!
They lay like flaccid balloons by day, only to be resurrected at night once more.
The good news is, the holiday season will be over soon and we’ll get through it okay.
Won’t we? Next year’s madness is far, far away.
But brace yourselves. The scuttlebutt is that next year’s decorating trend will lean heavily toward life-sized, remote-controlled, Christmas action figures.
You vill buy dem, or else!
