Thursday Dec 15th I’ll be interviewed by Janie, aka Queen Warrior, of “Angels in Distress, Inc.” at 8pm PST/9pm MST/10pm CST/11pm EST on Blog Talk Radio at:
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/queen-warrior/2011/12/16/domestic-violence-how-do-you-escape-from-it
We’ll be chatting about my harrowing escape from domestic violence in 1984, how to spot a possible batterer and my book “How to Escape a Bad Marriage-A Self Help Divorce Book for Women”.
Energetically, Diane Tegarden
When You Should Mind “Other People’s Business”
By Diane Tegarden
August 6, 2010
But few weeks ago by husband and I were at one of my favorite breakfast hangouts in Pasadena. The booths are designed for maximum comfort and have padded seat cushions, there is even a place where a large family can sit at two tables connected by one long padded bench.
The space of the area I just described would a man came in with four children, one was a two-year-old baby he carried in his arms. The other three were older and didn’t look much like him, their ages ranging from 12, 8 and the youngest one was 5. Her mother was nowhere in sight and father seemed to be interested only in the baby. The other three, which he sat at the table across from him and the baby, were well mannered quiet, but the father spoke up place several times to the middle child (the 8-year-old girl). Although the three kids seemed to be getting along fine, suddenly without warning, but others would, across the bench connecting the two tables, where the eight-year-old was sitting. He squeezed her into the corner and laid his head against her head.
Speaking quietly, but with a lot of intensity, he warned her to behave herself. He seemed to be in a quiet rage, his voice and face taut with anger, eyes flashing. While he didn’t put his hands on her, he was squeezing her into a corner with his body and had his head pushing down onto her head. She started to cry quietly, obviously in fear, and I felt unsettled to have witnessed the exchange. My husband saw me watching them and got a very sour look on his face, he didn’t want me to get involved.
When the mom finally showed up, that took the baby to the restroom and I had my chance to warn the mom. I walked up to her and bent down to whisper in her ear.
“If your husband abuses the kids, or lays a hand on them while I’m here, I will call the police for you.” I got back into my seat before the husband could return.
The mom looked blank for a second, and then asked incredulously, “what are you talking about?”
I explained what had happened while she was gone and she didn’t say a word, but got that closed look on her face of a person in denial. I reached into my purse and pointedly laid my cell phone on the table.
When her husband came back from the restroom with the baby (he held her in his arms as he got up to confront me).
“How dare you say I laid a hand on my kids!” he exclaimed.
“I never said any such thing. I merely let your wife know that if you did lay a hand on her, I’d call the police” I maintained.
“Fair enough” he calmly replied “but it’s really none of your business.”
At this point, the woman, who was visibly angry, raised her voice and said “How dare you say this in front of my kids!”
“You are the one who has made an issue of it in front of your kids. I approached you and whispered in your ear, they never had to hear any of this.”
The father returned to their table and sat down, willing to let it go. The 12-year-old son, a polite young man, then murmured “thank you for your opinion”, which I thought was a very telling remark.
The mom yelled at him to be quiet and then told me “this is really none of your business.”
“Yes, I heard you the first two times you’ve repeated yourself” I calmly replied.
My husband was shaking his head at me back and forth, but the father caught the gesture and stood up, stepping toward my husband in a threatening manner.
“So, do you agree with your wife?”
“No” I instantly responded. “He’s shaking his head at me for getting involved. He agrees with you two.”
That shut the man up , and he sat down as his wife kept giving me dirty looks.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You might agree with the man and his wife, however according to the Almanac of Policy issues “Each of the 50 states has enacted laws defining child abuse and maltreatment, determining when outside intervention is required, and establishing administrative and judicial structures to deal with maltreatment when it is identified.
According to data from the Administration on Children and Families, in 1998 there were an estimated 2,806,000 referrals of child abuse or neglect to relevant state or local agencies. These referrals resulted in an estimated 903,000 confirmed victims of maltreatment, a rate of 12.9 per 1,000 children nationwide. Of these, 11.5 percent suffered sexual abuse, 22.7 percent suffered physical abuse, and 53.5 percent suffered neglect. A quarter were victims of more than one type of maltreatment. Additionally, approximately 1,100 children died of abuse or neglect, a rate of 1.6 deaths per 100,000 children. Of all forms of abuse, about three quarters of the perpetrators were parents.”
In most cases an initial report of abuse or neglect can come from anyone. In 1998, a little over half of all reports (53.1%) came from professionals, including medical and mental health professionals, teachers, child care providers, social service providers, and law enforcement officials. The remainder (46.7%) came from nonprofessionals, including family members and other members of the community.” (1)
So, demonstrating violence in public toward children (or adults, for that matter) is against the law, and therefore is the business of the person witnessing it.
You’ll often hear the horror stories about people being beaten, or even shot and killed, and the insensitive crowds of people who ignore it. These people who are “minding their own business” will simply step over the body or walk around it, continuing to casually chat on their cell phones.
Well, I’m not one of those people. Although not endowed with size or physical strength, I’ve been given a spit-fire personality and the courage of a lion, stepping up to defend those who can’t or won’t defend themselves.
I fight for the underdogs of society; the week or ill, the underprivileged or abused, the young or elderly, and the disabled in mind or body. I’ll probably die in a violent manner some day because of this, but I’ll lie easy in my grave knowing I protected the innocent.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Source cited: (1) http://www.policyalmanac.org/social_welfare/child_abuse.shtml
OCTOBER is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month
Jeanine Swatton, radio show host of “Swatton Live – Preventing Abuse Against Women” will interview Diane Tegarden about her experience of being a woman in an abusive marriage
on Wednesday 10/21 at 6pm PST/7pm MST/8pm CST/9pm EST.
The call in telephone number is (347) 994-3550.
The link to the show is http://www.blogtalkradio.com/SwattonLive
We’ll also be discussing how to escape a battering spouse, join us so you can pass on this vital information to other women who may need it.
**************************************************************************************************
Please pass this notice on to anyone who you think may need the information.
OCTOBER is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month!
Jeanine Swatton, radio show host of “Swatton Live – Preventing Abuse Against Women” will interview Diane Tegarden about her experience of being a woman in an abusive marriage
on Wednesday 10/21
at 6pm PST/7pm MST/8pm CST/9pm EST.
The call in telephone number is (347) 994-3550.
The link to the show is http://www.blogtalkradio.com/SwattonLive
We’ll also be discussing how to escape a battering spouse, join us so you can pass on this vital information to other women who may need it.
**************************************************************************************************
Marsha Walker, Author and Publisher will interview Diane Tegarden on her radio show “Together Again” about the release of Diane’s groundbreaking sci-fi novel “Anti-Vigilante and The Rips in Time”!
On Thursday October 22nd at 10am PST/11am MST/12 noon CST/1pm EST
CALL IN# (347) 994-1510
LINK: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/LWL-Radio
Join us for a rousing stroll through the world of publishing! ************************************************************************************************** May You Never Thirst!
Hear Ye! Hear Ye!
WHAT: The Storytellers, Poets and Bards of the World gather round Diane Tegarden, poetess and author, as she hosts half-hour poetry readings on Internet Voices Radio!
CALL IN# 916-233-0780 PIN# 924920#
WHEN: Every Tuesday in November 4th, 11th, 18th, and 25th
TIME: 2:30pm PST/ 3:30pm MST/ 4:30pm CST/ 5:30pm EST
****
The themes for the shows will be: creativity and the process of writing (Nov 4th), miracles (Nov. 11th), loneliness (Nov 18th) and domestic violence or spousal abuse (Nov 25th). All these subjects have themes that tie in with larger social concerns, which we may touch on while chatting together after the readings.
During October my main goal will be to educate women on how to escape a battering spouse.
One of the questions about domestic violence that hasn’t been answered properly is “Why Do Women Stay So Long in an Abusive Relationship?”
That issue, the cycle of violence, the difficulties in leaving and how to overcome those obstacles will be addressed in the next two interviews I’ll be doing during October with Tonya Ramsey and Lise Fredette, both experienced life coaches.
****************************************
WHAT: Tonya Ramsey of Journey to Self Radio interviews Diane Tegarden
WHERE: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/journeytoself
CALL IN# 347-215-8942
WHEN: Thursday Oct 16th
TIME: 10am PST/ 11am MST/ 12noon CST/ 1pm EST
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and as a survivor of a battering spouse I know the stigma that is attached to the women who are the victims of these crimes. Over and over again I hear people ask “Why did the women stay with him if he was beating her?” In our interview I hope to shed some light on that complex topic and explain the cycle of abuse that leads to the final blows. I will also outline how a woman can leave or escape her abuser, and go on to develop a full, meaningful life.
To check out Tonya’s website go to: http://lifebydesignsite.com/
*****************************************************************
WHAT: Lisa Fredette’s Passionate Life Coach interviews Diane Tegarden
WHERE: http://tinyurl.com/5qvl5c
CALL IN# 1-866-472-5788
WHEN: Thursday October 30th
TIME: 1 pm PST/ 2pm MST/ 3pm CST/ 4pm EST
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and as a survivor of a battering spouse I know the stigma that is attached to the women who are the victims of these crimes. Over and over again I hear people ask “Why did the women stay with him if he was beating her?” In our interview I hope to shed some light on that complex topic and explain the cycle of abuse that leads to the final blows. I will also outline how a woman can leave or escape her abuser, and go on to develop a full, meaningful life.
***************************
Please pass this notice on to anyone who may be silently suffering and needs valuable information on how getting out of an abusive relationship can be accomplished.
Sincerely,
Diane Tegarden
